Confuzzled

[I dont much like this hole ive dug myself into...well actually its more than dont like.im finding it rather terrible in fact! well ACTUALLY yes im finding it incredibly hard and soooo ........ (i cant even find a word for what i am feeling) but at the same time i dont want to give it up, i like this hole...this rather new hole! Im confused and hurting because of it and i know i need to put a stop to everything but i just cant seem to and really dont know how to (and sometimes dont even want to !!)! Gosh! i know this doesnt make sense at all but kinda just wannnteddd to get it out...]


that was my attempted blog last night and i got interrupted and so didnt finish it. yes reading back it doesnt make alot of sense but yeah tis a bit how ive been feeling at the moment, this morning on the way to work (at some awful hour of the morning :D) I had a good and well needed blurghing out everything to God. I love the way God is. He doesnt need religious kneeling, bowed heads and a prayer that uses alot of long 'holy' words, God just wants us to spend time with Him and talk to Him. Neways still feeling rather out of sorts but at least this time Im including God and desiring Him and His help not doing my usual thing of trying to fix my own life up when it sucks bcuz i feel like i should come to Him as some sort of 'perfect' person. That said I still would love to/need to find the right person to talk to about all this jazz but ohs wells we'll see. Im spending next week with my dear dear friend and we talk like crazy :) so hopefully her wisdom and prayers will give me a booster! lol. haha it must be frustrating to read alot of nonsense and have actually no idea what im going on about but meh! dont read it then! Ive been pretty cut up about alot of things lately...my family just seem to be in a deep dark pit of depression and sadness lately and i want to fix it (me-little miss fix it myself :S) but i cant cuz i find it horribly hard and when i visit i try and (hopefully) be some sort of shining light...but mainly end up sucked in myself, humph...prayers would be looooveeelllyyyy!!! :) i just find it super duper hard at times! neways neways neways i am exhausted (yet still up past midnight :P) and should probably head to be (thats if nuthings happening on facebook ;D)